The Disney Rides I’ve Aged Out Of (and the Ones That Were One and Done)

The Disney Rides I’ve Aged Out Of (and the Ones That Were One and Done)

There’s a very specific kind of heartbreak that happens at your favourite theme park. It’s the moment you’re strapped into a ride you’ve loved your whole life, grinning like a kid, and about halfway through you think: ummm….this was a mistake, I’m too old for this! (I now understand Roger Murtaugh from Lethal Weapon more than ever – IYKYK).

I’ve been going to the parks since I was little, back when I was the one begging the grown-ups to take me on the scary stuff. Somewhere along the way, the scary stuff started talking back to me. My back has opinions about these experiences now. My stomach tells its own tales. And getting out of some of these ride vehicles has become a full athletic event!

So I’ve made peace with it, and I’ve sorted my casualties into two piles. First, the rides I’ve aged out of: the ones I genuinely loved, rode for years, and have had to say a slow, sad goodbye to. Second, the one and dones: the rides where a single experience was all the information I ever needed, no aging required. So let’s take a tour through my personal list and you tell me if you feel the same.

The Rides I’ve Aged Out Of

These are the heartbreakers. Rides I loved, rode over and over, and eventually had to admit were no longer loving me back the way they once did.

Space Mountain (Magic Kingdom)

I remember being a little kid, standing on the sidelines watching my family disappear into Space Mountain, because I was too small to go. I wanted it so badly. When I was finally tall enough for my very first ride, I was terrified at the beginning and loved it by the end.

Over the years, my friends, my family and I rode it so many times that I had the track memorized. I even knew the difference between the two tracks on either side, which tells you everything about how much time I spent in that building.

But as the years went on, it got harder. Climbing out of that little rocket at the end became its own mission. And being jerked around in the dark was not doing my back any favours. The last time I rode it, my nephew talked me into it after I’d skipped it for a few years. Let’s just say it was fun, but I felt it. These days I’d still do it in a pinch if the right person asked. But I’m definitely not volunteering, and I’m doing it on an empty stomach.

Expedition Everest (Animal Kingdom)

I used to be the queen of the single rider line on Everest. I’d hop back in line and ride it three or four times in a row, no problem at all. Now? That section where the train goes backwards in the dark just does me in. The rest of the ride and I are still on good terms, but that one stretch ended my time on this fantastic attraction.

Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster Starring the Muppets (Hollywood Studios)

This one stings, because I really want to ride it. I used to love the Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster, and now that the Muppets have taken over, I’m dying to see what they’ve done with it. But my body has firmly vetoed the idea.

The last time I rode it, I got to the end and I was in such a daze that I couldn’t get myself out of the seat. I’d been banged around the whole way, it was too fast, and I couldn’t catch my breath (all the things I used to love about it!). So I’ll be enjoying the Muppets from the gift shop, thank you very much.

Star Tours – The Adventure Continues (Hollywood Studios)

This is the sneaky one. Star Tours barely moves you around. It’s mostly a simulator in front of a big screen, and for years it was one of my favourites. But somewhere along the way, my stomach decided it no longer believes in the Force. I can do other screens, but this one did me in. The last time I rode it the person next to me got physically sick which made me feel even more sick, and I haven’t been back in years.

Mad Tea Party (Magic Kingdom)

I loved the teacups as a kid, especially when my brothers would spin that cup as fast as it could possibly go. Here’s what gets me now: they were adults, and they did all of this with me without complaining. Spinning teacups, scary rides, the whole thing. I have such an appreciation now for what they did for me then, I had no idea.

And as for me getting back in one of those cups and spinning them? You couldn’t pay me enough money.

The One and Dones

No slow goodbye here. These rides got exactly one chance, and they used it to convince me never to do them again.

Astro Orbiter (Magic Kingdom)

A few years ago I realized I couldn’t remember if I’d ever ridden Astro Orbiter as a kid. And since I pride myself on saying I’ve done every ride, I figured better to be safe – and I did it by myself. Solo riding this was a big mistake.

Here’s what nobody tells you: to get into those little rockets, you have to sit almost flat with your legs straight out in front of you. At the age I was, that was not an easy task. Getting out is even harder (which is why it would have been smart to do this with a friend for assistance!). One and done, and I’ll be waving at it from the ground from now on.

Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind (Epcot)

Too spinny, too disorienting, and in my mind, made for the young at heart. I wrote a whole post about my experience on it, so if you want the full story, you can read it here.

Mission: Space, Orange Side (Epcot)

I rode Mission: Space when it first opened, back when there was only one version: full throttle. I took Gravol (the Canadian version of Dramamine) beforehand. It did not work. It was intense. Super duper intense. Never again.

In fairness, there’s now a milder green side that doesn’t spin, and that one is actually fun. So if you’re curious, know which side you’re lining up for. Green, I’ll join you. Orange, I’ll meet you at the exit.

The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror (Hollywood Studios)

I saved the best for last. I absolutely hated this ride. I don’t understand why anyone would want to feel like they’re plunging to their death in an elevator.

I rode it once at Walt Disney World, and when that elevator dropped, I bit my sister’s shoulder. I’m not proud of it, but I’m not sorry either. It was pure survival instinct.

You’d think that would be the end of it. But years later at Disneyland, I was somehow tricked into believing it was a different kind of ride, so I got on. I almost passed out. That makes it technically a two and done, but the universe forced that second one on me, so I’m not counting it.

So, Am I Done With Disney Rides?

Not even close. The funny thing about writing this list is realizing how much it’s really about the people. My family riding Space Mountain while I watched. My brothers spinning that teacup. My nephew talking me back into Space Mountain one more time. Even my poor sister, who took one for the team on Tower of Terror.

The grown-ups in my life did all these rides with me when I was little, and now I’m the grown-up who knows exactly what that cost them. There’s still so much magic I can enjoy, I just pick my battles now. And I’m always happy to hold the bags.

Now I want to hear from you. Which rides have you aged out of, and which ones were one and done from the very first try?

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